My problem is with intimacy. And it's not her, it's me. Our sex is really great now. It's evolving and changing and we are learning so much, this is good. My issue is that I have a fetish (smoking-yeah I know, weird). I am afraid that once the newness of the relationship is over I might need to rely on external stimulation (pictures, videos etc.) for arousal. I know I should tell her and she'll probably find out soon enough. Our relationship is really strong, but I'm not sure how she'd take it. But my question is really this, If she's OK with it (the fetish, by the way she doesn't smoke) do you think a woman would be offended if a lover brought in arousal helpers if the goal is to please her the best that I can?
Sincerely Smokescreen Intimacy
Dear Smokescreen Intimacy: I think it is first important to understand that everyone has intimate secrets and that you are not strange or weird-we all have fantasies or fetishes that enhance our sexual experience. It can be very daunting though to expose those to a new love. There is always the underlying fear that you will be rejected by that person. If you are rejected though that partner may not be the one for you. So firstly, I would find an intimate time with your love and broach the topic of fantasies etc. Find out what makes her tick-if there is anything you can do for her to elevate her pleasure. Then organically the conversation can move in the direction of you sharing your fetish. It is very important for her to know the details of how this fetish works-what aspects of it make you tick. The more she knows the better.
If she values you, you may be surprised by her reaction-because it is uncharted territory it could actually entice her and excite her to know what it does for you.
Women need to feel that they are the center of your world and bringing in props like photos and videos could make her feel like she is not enough. What would happen if she became your muse-the center of your fetish. She may not smoke but it might be fun for her to bring to life this fetish by smoking a vapor cigarette while being intimate with you-which would not harm her health or cause her to become addicted to nicotine. She could also do a boudoir photo shoot posing with a vapor cigarette so that, again she becomes your muse rather than the unknown women in your toolkit. Can you imagine how intense that could be? The goal here is to make sure that you allow her to remain the center of your intimate lives, in whatever way works for both of you. Good Luck to you both. I truly hope your love buys into this and that it elevates your intimacy to the highest heights!
Sincerely Lou Lou